Life enjoyment condemnation
Relaxation is quite a condemned thing. Just being and enjoying is quite a condemned thing. Enjoying your life with no purpose, no goal, no mission and by doing nothing is almost a crime. Every society created these invisible policemen inside our heads; it’s the feeling of guilt. If you are doing nothing and you feel good you should feel quilty and egocentric….
People are sick. After almost 2 months inMoldovaI think a felt quite a pressure from the people around, parents and just the way I feel here. Whether I would talk that I wanna devote another year, or two….or maybe the rest of my life to enjoying it I felt condemnation. Everyone calls it egoistic….because in reality it is expected for you to die on the cross for others. Sacrifice your youth and life for your country…what a bullshit is this?…..countries come and go….and I sort of don’t wanna waster this life on ideals and things which in reality have no value. Country – a thing with no real value…..there is one earth….just one earth, one planet…..i would rather have a earth with no countries….rather then being brainwashed to devote my life to some particular piece of land where I was born. In fact I loveMoldova, I actually love this place…..i just think that beliefs here are quite archaic, and expectations from a human being here are quite archaic.
Enjoying life is not on a menu of anyone I met so far inMoldovaand in fact in many other places. Everyone wants me to feel guilty about it…about the fact that I want so egocentrically, for no reason…without thinking about my family, my future, my career and my country….just go and enjoy it…in a very lucky moment when there is a chance to do it. I think everyone has this feeling of guilt here, and I had it even when I was in Laos….sitting and watching the sunset…and enjoying….at some point I would feel guilty…as if I did something wrong.
Enjoying this life is wrong for sure here. It is believed you should first put a lot of effort, work a lot, deserve it. Relaxations and enjoyment should be deserved. it should come at some point after achieving everything you have on your dream list. Dreaming is a disease, it never stops.
I just discovered today why I wasn’t able to leave this place peacefully…why I am feeling tension when I want to buy my ticket to asia…….its the feeling of guilt. I was feeling guilty for going exploring this world and just exploring….enjoying…and doing nothing.
For the most part while these 2 months I was doing a lot of meditation, feeling a lot of joy, and sharing it with others. But it doesn’t count…you should write a project, create an organization….make it a system of sharing joy. I cant just walk on the street, talk with a stranger and share some nice energy with him….it has no value…. No-one is happy here……just from my experience….feeling bliss, joy, love or God..whatever you call it.. is a very egocentric..very egoistic process…but once you are there…you wanna share this joy with everyone….and it do not depletes…..you want all the world to feel it and enjoy it. And in that state, countries, beliefs, ideas, philosophies, words etc etc etc….do not matter.
My idea may seem controversial, but I would rather suggest young people to search for some universal……… being happy, finding joy, love..universal, unconditional love…..acting out of that universal understanding and love…i don’t wanna get in philosophy….because this life and existence is far beyond mind, words, and philosophies.….———…fulfilling the ambitions and dreams, making parents proud, becoming respectable, making a revolution might not be as fulfilling…and maybe we don’t need to do them……..everyone was doing it along the history….and it all looks sick. Maybe we are just brainwashed. In school they do not teach to love all people on earth, all the countries, all the philosophies, accept al the poets and poems written by anyone…….we get attached to our small, tiny perspective….and the discovery of the world is over here.
I will be staying inMoldovafor another month and leave toAsiaagain. And for this time my time is open…I would like to stay there for longer….a year, two….who knows…no idea.
